The Style and Wit of an Idiot Savant

If you like drinking...

…then check out our new blog! My friend, Woody, and I have come up with an amazing way for you to keep up and up with some of the best swanks and dives from around San Francisco. We rate the essentials from our unique perspective as well as add some contributions from people we know and don’t know who have joined us for the festivities of our local nightlife. Want to know which bar contains the least amount of popped-collar, polo shirt douchebags? Where can you find a bevy of beautiful people? Where are the drinks so strong that the price becomes irrelevant? Then tune in to us on atlastcall.com. Stay sober! Not really.

SOMA
431 Natoma Street
http://www.yelp.com/biz/tempest-bar-san-francisco
Hours:
Mon-Fri 11 am - 2 am
Sat 12 pm - 2 am
Sun 10 am - 2 am

There are times in your life when you find a gem that makes you love the existence of dive bars. And Tempest is just that! It’s not the prettiest of bars, but if it were, the word “dive” wouldn’t apply. Dives look more like Harvey Keitel, not Brad fucking Pitt. And if you hate Merlot, fifteen-dollar cocktails, or people in Lacoste shirts, then this is your kinda place. Tempest has all the charm of a lustful, lush of a hipster (alliteration…count it you fucks!). But it is charm, nonetheless. Drinks are cheap ($5 shot and beer specials? That shit “cray”) and the bartenders are attentive even when really busy. And one bartender in particular is definitely PYT status (blond tatted thinness, I want you). The social scene includes an old timer with an epic Gandalf beard, backwards hat wearing hooligans (aka. non-bros), geeky types (all roads lead to Woody and I), and ladies (non-sloppy, unpretentious types). In essence, you can talk to almost anyone and find something interesting about them.

However, from all the years I’ve been alive, I’ve learned that everything has its flaws…like all of my ex’s. On busy nights, getting asked by someone to move so they can sink their eight ball in the right corner pocket can piss you off but quick. Add that type of irritation plus a few $5 specials in you and…well…you may go George St. Pierre on someone (no holds barred, cue stick to cue stick confrontation in a Pit Fighter-like atmosphere).

But, at last call, definitely a bar you want to drink in. And when I say drink, I mean DRINK! The bar is located in SOMA on the corner of Natoma and Jessie. While not the most prime locale, it is easily accessible from the 5th and Mission Garage but closer to the 5th street side (for rookies, that’s the side away from the always annoying, teeny bopper attracting Metreon and Westfield). If you feel Earth Day is everyday, the Powell street BART station is a couple of blocks away.

Thanks to The Amazing Heather for her contributions.

Bartenders: 8 (was a 7. But with PYT…and 1!)
Drinks: 7 (9 beer is derrrricious)
Social Scene: 8 (Gandalf drinks here!)
Location: 6 (too many cops. Almost got arrested. Story to follow at some point…or not)
Douchbaggery Level: 3 (you can’t eliminate them all)

Oh heart, if one should say to you that the soul perishes like the body, answer that the flower withers, but the seed remains. ~Kahlil Gibran. Farewell on your journey, dear grandpa Carmi.

Yes. Niners lost. But think about this. They had almost exactly the same roster as last year and we really sucked. Kudos to the team for giving us one of the most exciting seasons in recent memory. Can’t wait for more next season.

Back in black…iPhone, that is.